I've developed a new way to build a computer. I have been forced to hide it from the likes of Steve Jobbbs and Billy Crystal. I know they will steal all my technology if I allow them. So I can no longer explore this matter on my public blog, as I know maybe four people read it and four people may know four more people who know four more people. You know the old saying about people knowing people. It involves a lot of black magic. That is all.
Yesterday I ventured out into the zoo to speak with the monkeys. I told them I was in a prison myself. I have a job and I work a lot of hours. The monkey then threw his shit at me and I smelled like monkey shit for most of the visit until a kind and ancient elephant washed me off.
I have discovered that working in the mall sucks. I would like malls to be one day obsolete so as to make room for something new. We could have nature shopping areas where we shop in nature. Look everyone, my store is in a tree. Look everyone my store is in a cabin. But here we have, Look everyone my store is next to every other store and we have a food court that makes me never want to have children. Little children everywhere. With balloons. Little lost children. I wish they'd all float in the air with their balloons and look down on us, silly adults working and shopping at the mall. Silly systems of rotation. I'll take the number four, please. Go fuck your number four, I'm getting a number five. Does that come with fries? Well then fuck your place of business.
I've found two new things out about working. I continue to not like it. I will forever not like it.
I had a cat one time named Jar and every time she would go outside to play in the mud I would try to throw the old ball around for her. I would say "Go catch it, Jar. Go get it, girl!" And she would look at me and say "Go fuck your ball and your life you dumb human." So I sold her to a nice family up town for two million dollars. Her fur was gold. Her eyes were fire. The way she licked her paws was like a knife shiner shining his favorite knives on a dark-dreary night.
Yesterday I was eating cheese. I am highly allergic to cheese and I almost died. My family thought I had tried to commit suicide but this was not true. I am just a real big fan of cheese. So they had an intervention for me. A cousin of mine named Blunoropondoahhhkaka came and I had never met him. He spit in my face and so we wrestled for sometime in front of my family who was shouting and waving their fists around like rocks in a bag. It was weird. We all looked up and realized what had happened. Someone had put something in our something.
I ate the sun today
There was no sun today
Thank God
I pray for rain every chance I get
If I could find a way to make all my prayers work
There would be a lot of armadillos in cowboy hats and rain
The only bad part
About the armadillo thing
Would be when you hit one with your car
It would be so much sadder
When you saw his little hat tipped
Over his little
Dead
Toes
